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Je suis FUCKING LOSER.

Okay, now I'm actually getting depressed about this whole fucking stupid challenge thing. I am upset enough that I went back to check the exact wording of what was requested of me (it was, of course, not to ever participate in anything she ran again... which, yeah, means no, because I'm not that big a bitch).

Of course I also noticed that this was actually during the week that I slept seven hours in five days and ate four meals in that same time span.

But I still feel fucking guilty! REALLY fucking guilty! I wanted to cry over something fandom. I am seriously the biggest fucking loser I know.

I'm trying to remember that week, because after that whole thing happened I wasn't upset. I mean, I was embarrassed for sure, but not upset; I was just glad my week had turned out fine. I got everything in just under the wire and just past acceptable... bar the fic, of course. That was the week I burst into tears talking to at least two separate professors and the week that I woke up and immediately started screaming one day because I'd overslept. It was also the week when I put on headphones but wouldn't turn on any music because my roommate went out drinking and came back with a strange man I was half-afraid would try to rape her. (He turned out t be a little handsy, but otherwise harmless.) In two classes I had to run in five minutes before they ended to hand in a paper or present a project. I actually fell asleep sitting up at my desk while writing a paper and passed out on the floor when it was almost all over.

And yeah, partly that was bad time management on my part, but for all but one assignment I couldn't have started them earlier, and people were dropping off my project like dying flies. Sure, maybe I could've stayed in and worked some more that day my class went out to the restaurant, but I was the first to leave and, again, four meals. That was one of them.

So I'm not altogether ashamed that fanfiction was kind of the last thing on my mind.

And yet I still feel guilty!

What the fuck is wrong with me? Fandom should not mean this much to me.

Why does it have to be her running the challenge?

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Je suis CONFLICTED.

All right, less conflicted and more frustrated by my own stupidity.

I've admitted in my first post that I have two journals (well, more than two, but two active journals that I actually use). That's the only place I've said it, yes, because it embarrasses me even now and I feel like a bit of a fink for not using my main journal in Merlin fandom. I just can't stop myself from using it; I feel like I've kind of got a fresh start, and I didn't think it would cause me any problems.

Well, it... sort of has, fuck it all.

See, I've always tried to stay on everyone's good side, and to ignore those who wouldn't let me be on their good sides. I tried to admit when I'd fucked things up, even if it was hard. I'm pretty dense, so all this didn't work out well all the time.

One time, I royally screwed up and wound up unable to complete a couple of challenges I'd signed up for. Life caught up and stressed me out; the next week I slept for about seven hours in five days and ate about four meals. I do think it was a good idea to drop the fics.

The dumb part was that I didn't think to tell the people organizing the challenges.

Like I said, I'm dense. Dumb. A fuckwit, really. It actually didn't occur to me at all, not that that's any excuse, and I deserve the annoyed responses I got. One person was overly accepting of my withdrawal when I finally let her know, and far more polite than I deserved; the other gave me exactly what I had earned, which was, so to speak, an Internet Bitchslap. It was short and polite, but also communicated how stupid I'd been and how— displeased, I'll say, she was with me. She asked me not to participate in any other challenges she organized in the future. Properly chastised, I agreed, knowing my punishment was what was due to me, at the very least.

And now she's part of a Merlin challenge that I would absolutely love to participate in. It's scheduled when I don't have school, at a time when I'll (probably) be getting decent sleep and at least two meals a day, and I know now that if I sign up for something and can't make it to let organizers know well ahead of time. And hey, shiny new name! Would she even know?

But it's fucking dishonest and I can't bring myself to do it. I'd feel like a jackass, and, well, I would be one.

I could write something and just not submit it to the challenge. That wouldn't go against our agreement. But it wouldn't be the same, you know? It'd feel useless and I'd have no drive for it. I'd probably get to the due-date only half done and figure, "I can work on it over the next few months instead" and then never finish it. Or never start it, because I'd anticipate that.

Fuck it, I'd probably have done that anyway and would've had to pull out. It's not like I would have had anything of worth to contribute. I'm not really missing out. In fact, if I had been able to do it I probably would have spent time on it better put toward, oh, I don't know, tiptoeing towards graduation and my job.

But to have fucked up so badly as to take that chance away from myself makes me feel like a dick all over again.

I could ask for forgiveness and another chance, but I'm a coward and I don't deserve it anyway. And what if I just fucked up all over again? My bet now is that she's forgotten me completely, which is definitely for the best. I'd rather be offer her radar than the blip she'd like to nuke.

I just sort of hate myself right now, is all.

TL;DR, I know, but I needed to get that off my chest.

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Le Copie d'Arthur - Arthur/Arthur - NC-17

Title: Le Copie d'Arthur
Summary: Merlin magics up a more compliant and complimentary version of Arthur for private use, and Arthur finds it.
Rating: NC-17
Other Stuff: This was originally posted in caps at capslock_merlin for a recovering roflolmaomg; the original posting is here if you can bear reading in caps. If there are any errors in the capitalization of anything or blatant Americanisms or anything like that, please call it to my attention or else it'll just be there and that would be embarrassing for all of us (but mostly me).

Read it here.Collapse )

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Oh my.

For reasons I don't even know myself, I just thought of Arthur saying to Merlin, "You are the worst pirate I've ever heard of." You know, as in Pirates of the Caribbean. And now I want pirate!Merlin fic. It wouldn't make any sense at all, but I want it!

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Je suis PROMPTER.

I must encourage everyone to at least take a look at merlinarthurfqf, especially since I contributed something like eighty prompts. I counted, so that's not an exaggeration. I fail at restraint.

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Recs posts will be edited, updated, and added to, rather than repeated over and over.

Arthur/Merlin recs are here and Colin/Bradley RPS recs are here.

Links marked with an asterisk (*) is adult in nature, equivalent to an R or NC-17 rating. Links without may be anywhere between G and PG-13.


Fic


Beltane by astolat
GEN — Merlin
What's this? An astolat fic that doesn't involve Arthur and Merlin getting it on? Yes! And it's actually quite good. It's backstory more than anything, a snippet really, but if it doesn't have boys passionately making out and I'm still interested you know it's got to be good.

The Red Room by x_merlin
RPS — Colin Morgan/Zac Efron
I must admit my shame: I like Zac Efron. I've never seen High School Musical or any of the sequels, but I still like him. I cannot explain it. So here we have a cute, chaste little fic about him meeting Colin! Bradley is involved, too, but only on the sidelines.


Art


The Prat and the Idiot by draykonis
GEN — Merlin and Arthur
Not quite slashy, but still beautiful. I think the opt-out for color was great here, because you can see them anyway, and the simple greyscale tones of it mold the faces so well anyway. It's basically ridiculously awesome, but that's draykonis for you.

Colin in Wonderland by draykonis
GEN — Colin Morgan/Merlin
Okay, so the title says Colin, but the prompt read Merlin, and that's who I see. Because I'm strange like that and just feel the need to say it's both. Also, I love crossdressing stuff, even in none-sexual ways!

Ninjas of Camelot by draykonis
GEN — Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana
I only wish there could be a Gwen ninja amongst these three, although it does make sense to exclude her (given that she's not exactly one of the fighters). It's got a graffiti style to it and just general ridiculous awesomeness, which comes from having ninjas. Like pirates, they automatically increase the awesomeness of everything.

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Recs: Colin/Bradley

Recs posts will be edited, updated, and added to, rather than repeated over and over.

Arthur/Merlin recs are here and other Merlin recs are here.

Links marked with an asterisk (*) is adult in nature, equivalent to an R or NC-17 rating. Links without may be anywhere between G and PG-13.


Fic


*Accented by antihysteric
The first RPS I read for Merlin, and it's what got me hooked on it. It's funny and it's sort of subtly hot, but mostly it's funny, because it's based around Bradley's admission that he, at first, couldn't understand Colin with his accent. That's like a recipe for "hilarity ensues."

Tags:

Recs: Merlin/Arthur

Recs posts will be edited, updated, and added to, rather than repeated over and over.

Colin/Bradley RPS recs are here and other Merlin recs are here.

Links marked with an asterisk (*) is adult in nature, equivalent to an R or NC-17 rating. Links without may be anywhere between G and PG-13.


Fic


*untitled kink meme entry by [anonymous]
This piece is short but just hits all the right buttons for me when it comes to adult-rated fanfic. Awkward moments, unintentional arousal, and then intense and amazing porn.

*Despoiled by astolat
I'll admit first that this fic is, in ways, completely ridiculous. It starts out with a ridiculous cliche of fanfic — that is, pretending to be gay, which I love dearly — and then jumps to something even more ridiculous, but it's still good and sexy, even if it does have that slightly sad undertone to it.

*Onfindan by astolat
The only thing about this that is wrong is that I wish it were longer. I know a lot of people say that about a lot of fic, and for the most part I'd wish any bit of good writing is longer, but here I think a few things could stand to be developed more. Nonetheless, it's a wonderful tale of Arthur discovering Merlin's magic and making use of it, and then the two of them finally beginning to truly fulfill their destinies, as John Hurt the dragon has told them to do. It's also fairly long as it is, but I stand by my wish that it could be longer.

*Injukyoshi by astolat
Short and ridiculous in the most fantastic way, it's probably the height of Merlin tentacle monster fic (and yes, there are others out there, but read this one if you read any of them).

The Epic Tale of Three Dubiously Wise Men by lou_angel and hils
This here is the absolute height of hilarity. I'll start off with a warning that it is a crossover; maximum pleasure and gigglefits are obtained when one is at least familiar with Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings, as Anhora's partners in crime here are Dumbledore and Gandalf, who make a bet with him that they would be better suited to doing the job Anhora has failed at: getting Arthur and Merlin together. Also, iPods are involved. There is a sequel — *The Epic Tale of What's Under Arthur's Bed — which I must point out the asterisk for, as it is porny. I prefer the original to the sequel, personally, but it's still worth a read... especially if you like porn.

*The (Unfortunate) Downside of Eavesdropping by lou_angel
It's funny and hot with that little bit of creepy that comes with feeling bad for someone stuck in the position Gauis is in in this fic. Not enough to really make one uncomfortable — or at least not enough to make me personally uncomfortable. This one also has a sequel — *If you go down in the woods today... — that, like the sequel to The Epic Tale of Three Dubiously Wise Men, doesn't quite live up to the original, but which is worth a read for some laughs and some porn anyhow.

*untitled pornlet by roflolmaomg
Yes, it's in a capslock community, but it's not actually in capslock, and it's actually quite hot. Short, yes, and a little bit with a capslocky-flavor in the language, but hot. If the layout of the community is difficult for you, you can view it in your own style or in the light format.

*And That Word Must Be Clear by doomcanary
Fair warning: this one has genderfuck and Merlin/Morgana in it, although it is ultimately and mostly Arthur/Merlin. There is sex involved with both parties, but in both cases Merlin is female, so nothing boy-on-boy, as it is. This was one of the very first fics I managed to read in Merlin fandom, and it snagged me right away. I think Morgana's characterization may be a tad bit off, but it's still enjoyable.
SEQUEL: When Arthur Does That
Just a funny little sequel, which gets bolding for being good in its own right. There's no switching of genders, no sex, and no real romance, but it does make its hints, and the author promises a third part, which I expect will be more thoroughly Arthur/Merlin.

*The Accidental Seduction by ras_elased/ras_fic
Funny enough in the beginning, but mostly just hot. I do love seduction, even when it's more humorous, and this is all about it. Arthur plays with Merlin's feelings only to realize he's playing himself, and I just adore the moment when he realizes he wasn't joking after all. Lots of porn here.

*Hiersumnes by mirandaeostre
Another short piece all about porn and secret kinks. I think it should be obvious that that is just my sort of thing by now. Except the short part, of course, but it does well here.

*Down Among the Saints by sevenfists
This includes Merlin/other pairings, in which some of the "others" are female, but is, again, mostly Merlin/Arthur. This is one of those stories where Merlin's incubus father comes into play and makes for excellent porn. Irresistibility is kind of a thing for me, too, you see. This is a particularly good example of incubus fic here.

*Woke Up New by ficbyzee
Bodyswapping! Once again a particularly good example of a good cliche in Merlin fandom. I like this one because Merlin and Arthur aren't completely daft about their problem; they admit what's happened to Uther, even though it means potentially condemning another magic user, because Arthur doesn't know about Merlin's magic so of course he'd think that's the best solution, rather than come up with some reason they can't tell anyone. Of course, they don't tell many others, but still. I also like the focus on the feel of their swapped bodies. Also, drama!

*No Magic Necessary by mskatej
Dub-con, sort of, which I normally don't like much at all. In fact, seeing the label on a fic makes me skip over it most of the time. But this is just that slight edge of creepy, acknowledged by both parties, and — to be honest, as I was reading I felt it was less that Arthur was trying to just take, less like he really believed the things he said, and more like he just didn't know how to ask. In any case, it's not quite creepy enough to turn me away, and hot, especially when they both fully consent, interestingly enough.

So Magical by skanesvsladders
More genderfuck, this time of the absolutely hilarious variety. Merlin botches a spell (so it goes) and Arthur is delighted about it. Normally I don't much like stories where Merlin's already revealed his magic, but this story showed me the better side of it: Arthur teasing Merlin relentlessly when he screws up. Because he would, wouldn't he? At least in cases like this. It also allows for a lack of drama llamas when he walks into a room and suddenly becomes acquainted with Merlin's new tits.

*In Turning We Come Around Right by janne_d
Even more genderfuck, and this time with Arthur as the subject of it. Quite sexy, and I believe a fairly realistic story of how Arthur might deal with being female — not admitting it to anyone, but being embarrassed and afraid. And with plenty of good arguments as to why, too.

*Backfire by oxoniensis
I just love saying "Merlin botches a spell," and that is the entire plot of this fic. Well, no, that's a lie; really there's more to it. There's a subtle thread that goes through several botched spells, several of which induced major giggling. The last one is the best, and not just because that's when the porn comes in.

*The Trouble With Unicorns by astolat
Oh, this! Virginal Arthur is wonderful, especially when he's a virgin for such a stupid (and Arthur-like) reason. But there is an unforeseen loophole, which qualifies Merlin. I know I say it a lot, but this story makes me overlook a fic quality I don't usually like — that is, that of all (or most) of the main characters being gay, in the case of Merlin often meaning that Gwen and Morgana form an opposite pair to Merlin and Arthur. Nonetheless, it seems almost reasonable enough here, and offers up some amusement, so I looked past it and onto the sexy parts. I think this story is particularly clever for clearly getting across a lot of things without saying them explicitly.

*The Rush of the Moment by calicokat
This hits a lot of my buttons! Virginal Merlin and never-before-gay Arthur, and I even adore the not-quite-that-perceptive-even-if-she-is-a-seer Morgana, because secretive sex is fun. This one takes place sometime shortly before episode thirteen, although it doesn't explicitly say so in the story and doesn't have much in the way of spoilers.
SEQUEL: *L'Amour d'Arthur by calicokat
The big payoff for the story! Not that the first was hard to read, but this is extra fun. Set shortly after the thirteenth episode (and mentioning events from it), it features confused but still turned on boys — both of them. They don't know where they're going but still want to get there, and on the way they keep poking fun at each other. It's funnier than it is sexy, really, but it's not bad in that respect at all.

*untitled capslock fic by roflolmaomg
Okay, so it's capslock, and if that bothers you— well, that's the only thing you can say bad about this. Seriously, buck up for a few paragraphs of awesome. And all right, maybe I'm partial to it because it's my prompt and my kink there, but come on. This! This is Arthur riding Merlin and— okay, I can't say anything more coherent, because I'm just picturing it again and my brain's gone dead. There's more porn in the entry, too, though not all Merlin/Arthur.

*untitled fic in a capslock community by roflolmaomg
Carefully named because this one is not actually in capslock, it's just in the capslock community. Also, once again, wonderful. I love all the strange trends popping up in this fandom, because this is not the first fic where Merlin blows Arthur under the table while he's surrounded by nobles and Uther and Morgana, although it is certainly my favorite. I think I have to deem roflolmaomg one of my favorite Merlin authors now.



Art


*One Half and The Sword in the Stone by slanted_edges
Absolutely positively beautiful black-and-white artwork. While both are based on fic, I hardly think it's necessary to read them to enjoy how pretty slanted_edges's Arthur and Merlin are. As to the asterisk — neither piece of art here is at all adult in nature (just very pretty), but there is on the same page a more adult-oriented short fanfic.


Vids


Accidentally in Love? by magog_83
I am not a huge fan of fanvids, but this one won my heart straightaway. I only started to watch it because part of what you see before playing it is Merlin in the official Camelot servant's hat — the awesomeness hat — and I did not regret it. I'm being really serious here; it's rare for me to watch any fanvid all the way through, and yet, here we are! I definitely prefer the slashy interpretation to the author's secondary proposal of Morgana just making fun of Arthur. If nothing else, the sheer amount of looks they share in this and the amount of completely adorable smiles should convince you to watch it.

You're So Damn Hot by loweryourwand
I have a confession: I love OK Go in a possibly unhealthy way, and this song is one of my favorites of theirs. They are one of those bands that I would watch a fanvid for. Or start to, anyway, so they're what got me clicking this one, and put me in a good mood towards it before it even started. But the editing is just so wonderful! I must admit that I sort of have a strange thing for the record scratch sound effect, too, but seriously, this one is awesome. I mean, the OK Go song doesn't even play right away and I was still hooked from the first second of it.

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Je suis DORK.

I really want to make icons of the Merlin characters assigning them to different houses from Harry Potter. Arthur and Merlin would be Gryffindor, Morgana would be Ravenclaw, Gwen would be Hufflepuff, and if I could work it out Nimueh would be Slytherin. I am mostly too lazy to look for the pictures now, though.

Still, I have a few icons! They're all terrible, but here they are.

01. 02.
03. 04.

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